Life Through Ry-Ry's Eyes...
"Do not shield your oddness, but wear your oddness like a shield."Life can be sweet & amazing!
22.02.92 - Ry-Ry came into this world.
~~~My name is Ryan and I am nineteen years of age and I currently live in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire although I study at York St John University in York. Furthermore, my time is spent in both Huddersfield and York. The latter is a beautiful city and I hope to anyone who hasn't found beauty in England as of yet, go to York!!~~~
Such a lovely day in York.
The photo shows the front facade of my university, York St John. Established in 1841, it has come on in leaps and bounds from being a teacher training college in Ripon to being a university with quite a lot of student satisfication. As for the latter, I’d say it has its flaws… but, what doesn’t? I know I do.
But, I wanted to try capture the essence of my university without having to use a photo from the internet. So, my from camera to my Tumblr… voila!
Beautiful building.
Alone.
Here I am, at 22:38pm crying my eyes out. And why? Over nothing other than life.
I feel so alone.
I feel so trapped.
And, sometimes I feel alone, sometimes I feel like I’m not that strong. Sometimes I feel so frail, so small; sometimes, I feel vulnerable. Sometimes, I feel, a little fragile.
Is it any wonder why I have this very clever front? To smile, to laugh when it is necessary to.
Allow me to be free.
I love you, please, allow me to be me again. I want Ry-Ry, not Ryan.
…and then there are some people who just mean the world to me.
“With a great heart, comes a great friend” - Anonymous!
Within my life, there are always days when I am reminded that my voyage on the emotional rollercoaster is no where near complete. Every now and then, there are days when life surprises me with elation and complete happiness which engulfs me into a reverie of Indian summers by a lake with my friends, drinking the ginger beer and having perfect smiles of utter memories.
Although today was rife with hostility - we have Shakeira Michelle Cole… (the girl in the photo, next to me) whom I am proud to mention is my best friend. Best friend. I wrote that twice as it’s twice as powerful and twice as meaningful. She has opened my eyes to many possibilities and is an inspiration to my whole existance within life.
Shakky, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for posting the photo as I know you’ll be complaining saying ”’….GAYBOY… why?? My faceeee!’ But, you’re stunning to me, all the time, everytime. You don’t need mirrors, make-up or the ever increasing world of cosmetics as you have a radiant beauty; inside and outside. So, shut it guuurl and listen!
Shakeira, you make me whole. You are the reason I’m not a raging alcoholic as you’ve shown me things that anybody else couldn’t and you’ve embraced me into a world that I feel open in, with no secrets or no need to conceal the true me. I’m alive with you, with your personality and I don’t need no wo(man) in my life, because I’ve got you.
What I think is appropriate to show my love for Shakeira is to write the first verse of her favourite song…
Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do, yeah they were all yellow. I came along, I wrote a song for you, and all the things you do, and it was called yellow.
If my love could be physical of a shape or a size, it would reach from here and travel the universe for Shakeira Michelle Cole.
BC/AD - Before Cancer, After Diagnosis
I wrote this poem because of my mother who has been suffering from cancer since 1999 and although she has fought eleven years, she is a massive influence to me and other people whom she talks to at the hospitals she goes to. Unfortunately, cancer will most likely be in her for the rest of her life. But, life can be sweet and amazing as I’ve been blessed to have the best nineteen years with her and hopefully, many more will come when I turn twenty, twenty-one. However, if she were to die, I’d turn into an empty shell full of ubiquitous tumbleweed just flowing through my vacant personality. Death happens to us all but for all those with cancer, I hope my poem lifts some spirits. <3
BC/AD by Ryan Boothroyd If wasted tears could build a bridge between us to share, Then I’d cry frequently, to have you here, without fear. They say some questions have answers… but none are here. They say some answers don’t answer… but I care. BC = Before Cancer, AD = After Diagnosis, is what you say. Labelling it doesn’t make it better, it grows inside of you. Outside of you. Consumes you. Please, please, sit down, talk, listen and just pray. That’s what they say, to pray and lay and pretend it’s fine. I can’t sit here pretending to be happy, I’m all alone. They say some questions have answers… but none are known. They say some answers don’t answer… but it’s an unclear line. BC = Before Complications, AD = After Death, is what they say. But do they know anything? Their medical speech confuses, Bruises, loses, it’s jargon to me. Please, please, just take these meds to heal, just for today. But one year later, they’re still in you, catching dust. Fascinating how green is comforting; is it? Green is mean. They say some questions have answers… still unseen They say some answers don’t answer… in disgust. BC = Before Coma, AD = After Dream, is what’s said. You’ve left, you never said goodbye, they took you. All of you, no eyes, just the cries. Please, please, just sleep it off, that’s what I read. But the leaflet lied, and you died; with grace. In my dreams, you’ll roam, glow as I watch your face. They said some questions have answers… I’m learning. They said some answers don’t answer… But, I’m yearning. BC = Before Crying, AD = After Your Determination, is spoke in the quiet. Gone is your physicality, what remains is your legacy. All of you in memories, untarnished. Please, please, I’ll think of you soon, but never will my heart cure the riot.
